Saturday, December 18, 2010

Not I, but Christ living in me

The following is a post written by Yudi Kristanto at his blog Heartbeat about one year ago. I was just reading his blog and rediscovered it. It is worth posting again, and I want to share the words of this young Orthodox Christian brother in Indonesia with the readers of this blog…

I have been realizing how easy it is for me to get distracted away from my focus to follow the greatest Master of all ‘who lovest mankind.’ It doesn't need great storm to make me disturbed but only the simple thing may made me helpless when I am trapped in self-pity and if I trust in my own strength (which is always insufficient) to deal with even the slightest thing during the day or even to make a spiritual labor as the ego thinks, “well I'll try my best to do it or that in my way.” And this results in the tendency of displeasure, impatience or anger if an obstacle intervenes, that is when anything doesn't go as ‘I’ want.

And I found that it is very tricky, and the subtle line of self-satisfaction can lead to the self-righteousness, as the temptation comes to think that we're ‘good enough’ or in feeling right. Just like when we think that we're humble but actually not, or when we think we're not, yet actually yes, by His grace. Only One is Good!

Only Jesus who lives in us can do all these things for us. Rest completely in Him, beloved, and let His life be your only joy. Then all other things and people will be sent to you, as He sends them.
Glory to Thee O God!

Once again this beautiful reminder clinging in my heart,

“Brother, do not worry too much about humility. It isn't something we can ‘grow’ through our own efforts or will power. By all means, always take the humble and lowest place, but not to gain humility or even to demonstrate it. Seek Christ always first, and do what you see Him doing in your spirit, and accept everything that happens to you, good and bad, with the same cheerfulness (not resignation), the same satisfaction with God's plan for your life.”

and these words touch my heart so poignantly,

To truly believe you are nothing, you forget yourself completely, and think only of the other. We reach this state of belief only rarely, and then lose it as quickly as we see ourselves reflected in something else again, or in someone. Then, without realizing it, we remember ourselves again, and abandon forgetfulness, and we again can say, “I am nothing.”

Lord, have mercy on me a sinner! Truly O Lord, Let Thy Life be my only joy, may Thou live in me and I in Thee, now and ever and unto the ages of ages! Amen!

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